Spandex does not a superhero make

Caught over at Gizmodo:

Reals: Real Life Superheroes On the Rise Really.

Links to Rolling Stone and the Times Online to discuss real-life superheroes.

By which they apparently mean people who got dressed up for comic book conventions but forgot to take off their costumes (not that you’d want them to). If there were a weight or age limit on spandex (there should be, except for functional purposes), these people would exceed them.

Then again, makes me think. I mean, I’m a reasonably in-shape guy. And I’ve got lots of training. Maybe I should come up with a costume and a name. I think I would just hope people would call me Awesome. It’s better than “That Short Guy with the Vigilante Complex,” which should be TMed, I think.

They (the costumed vigilantes/”superheroes”) attribute their cause to Obama and his call for “active citizenry,” to which I just want to say: don’t blame him. Seriously. Ain’t even in office yet.

8 Comments

  1. GOTHAMGIRL

    I will bet good money that these people started out by dressing their dogs. I will also bet good money that half those people just “watch” super hero movies instead of reading the comic books and novels they were based on. The morals of which are pretty much “super hero life sucks.” Daredevil had a girlfreind impaled by his own stick. Wolverine got experimented on… alot. Batman’s side kick Robin (2) was killed by the joker… untill he came back… Cyclops has had more funerals for his one wife then most people get divorced. I could go on but I need to sleep.

    I already made you a digigital designed super hero costume in which you were Awsome Man. Did you lose it? 🙁

  2. @Lisa: not only is that an awesome superhero name, but I could totally see you pulling that off. A white costume with a cape in deep lavender and pale pink. Awesome.

    @Gotham: I didn’t lose it, actually, and I always loved it precisely because I’d want to be called Awesome. It was a good costume, as I recall, except for the fact that it had a headband, which reminded me of Olivia Newton John, and I’d worry that “Physical” would become my theme song (which I think I would want to be “Sexy Back”). Otherwise: I laughed aloud at the thought that you’re probably right those people dressed their dogs. Not to mention your quick superhero dossier on suckitude. I wish you would go on. I’d read it. It would be delightfully surreal.

  3. LISA

    I think I’d want to look a little more hardcore than that;) But yeah, it’d be fun to make a superhero profile. Maybe I’d have tatoos of stars up my temples on my face like that Kat Von D chick. Or maybe I’d wear those crazy black boots up to my thighs, heh. Or maybe I’d be a silly superhero in a giant puffy star costume. For some reason I see myself as a blonde Stargazer, with boots.

    It’s funny to imagine what you’d look like.

  4. LISA

    Glitter spray cans belted to my skirt, that’d be my weapon. I’d spray down ignorance, and violence, sadness and loneliness. One spray with my glitter, and horrible frowns would turn soft, eyes would brighten and everyone would kiss and hug and the whole world would smile at the same time.

    Okay, I’m done now;)

  5. @Lisa: the idea of glitter spray cans is hysterical. And I’m totally trying to picture your superhero costume but failing. As for what I’d look like, leather is very functional, and I’m few things if not practical, so there’d be at least some involved, though I’d probably lean more toward a jacket than the leather pants I used to wear all the time. Then again, those pants were comfortable, not to mention flexible.

    And if I could only have one superpower, I’d want to fly, which would mean I’d need a cape, because come on, that would look awesome! But it would have to be a breakaway cape, because I saw The Incredibles.

  6. GOTHAMGIRL

    I should probaly blog on the subject. I haven’t blogged in about a year. Alot of crap happend that’s made me dread doing anything semi- productive. I want to blog about how comic books and soap operas are alike. the drama and angst, the killing off of characters only to bring them back in a few years, etc. With the right advertising they could increase the amount of women who read comic books. Now if only I knew some one in advertising…

    The superhero I made of you had the head band because thought it was very 80’s. As “awsome” is 80’s it made sence. The fact that you were a personal trainer also had something to do with it. Awsome Man has head band, plain and simple. Whether you decide that he should fight crime by getting “physical” is up to you.

    This is what happends when I go on instead of sleeping. This and winning Fable 2.

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